Evening Hosts Target Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

TV's leading hosts devoted the broadcast ridiculing former President Donald Trump's just announced visa program, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical Christmas song targeting the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he handles."

The subject was the new program that permits international individuals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "platinum" tier for five million. An official page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A brief note for you to wealthy immigrants: prior to you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from businesses wanting to hire skilled workers, requiring large fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a property of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The best background check the U.S. government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will permit affluent international individuals to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to update that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Grocery Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's slipping poll numbers during economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he noted.

This week, in a effort to address prices, Trump held a briefing in front of a display of food items, and behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a long time."

"Trump is so fucking weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he remarked.