How to Speak Dating Like Generation Z: Fifty-One Hyperspecific Words for Romance, Sex and Questionable Conduct

The current year signifies a full decade since the word “disappearing” hit the public consciousness. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without explanation seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a partner has only become more bewildering – an frequently fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by online jargon.

Generation Z, a demographic who came of age during a social isolation epidemic, a male identity crisis, and a coordinated attack on the rights of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex landscape than their millennial forerunners could ever envision. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

The following list is a detailed glossary to the terms gen Z is using to navigate love, sex and the quest of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it doesn’t have “wokefishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – For Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your real, unfiltered self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A online phenomenon inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reaction is inquisitive or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s response to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend prioritizes herself while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

C

Support test – This refers to choosing someone who aids you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do affordable romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, spilling all of your unreciprocated emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 80s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who forgo having children to prioritize their own fulfillment. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of being guarded: practicing communication, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Signals

• Danger signals – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is trouble. Such as calling their former partners crazy, subpar tipping habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a nascent DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks validate your decision to date a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly benign quirks. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you meet someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (few things creates intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The rare boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so obsessed with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Random and frequently trivial dealbreakers that instantly shut down any sense of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some Zoomers desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {